hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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