Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
