I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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