dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize