Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
