On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it glows. i had to have it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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