she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize