five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
