I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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