YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
