Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
