Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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