Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
