i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
