he quoted the bible to break up with me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
