another moral hangover. fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
