I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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