He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
