Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize