so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
