i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
