I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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