I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
