i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
jump out the window naked night went bad
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
