I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
