if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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