it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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