Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
