ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
