Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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