Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
