WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
