There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
