dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize