It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
