I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
