just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
