Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize