I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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