She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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