Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
