Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
