I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
