Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I party with great urgency now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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