I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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