I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize