Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
