Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
