I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
