She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
