Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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