I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
