Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
