I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize