it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
