I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
