I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
