hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
