My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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