Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
