let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
