my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
