You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The air was thick with penises
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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