i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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