nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
