I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
