Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
