Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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