So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the day after is always just damage control
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
