I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
