my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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