i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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