I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
